questions frequently asked

Questions of the Frequently Asked Variety:

1) WHY DO YOU HAVE TWO MIDDLE NAMES?

Well, in fact, I don't. I have one middle name and one confirmation name. I haven't been to church in a long, long time, and don't profess to be a religious person at all. But, as a child, I was forced to go through the various progressions of Catholicism-- Sunday school, first communion, and confirmation. Just prior to confirmation--which, if I remember correctly, was somewhere around eighth grade--each kid gets to pick a name that is to serve as his or her "confirmation name." By this time, I was already weary of Sunday school's rigors, and of church in general, so I picked Xavier as a way to be silly and pay homage to my favorite basketball player at the time, Xavier McDaniel. McDaniel was a menace on the offensive boards for the Seattle Supersonics, and I always thought his name was cool. The interesting thing about my choice was that the selection made everyone in the church establishment quite happy because, as it turns out, there is a Saint Xavier, and everyone just assumed that I picked the name based on some affinity for said saint. Anyway, I've always thought that newborn babies get a raw deal in that they are pretty much stuck with the name that their parents decide on at the time of birth, and I think the concept of self-naming can be a cool, empowering thing. So, while most people don't use their confirmation names in any way, I use mine in all formal documents, in my signature, and just about everywhere else--not because of any allegiance to my Catholic upbringing, but rather because I like the fact that I can incorporate into my name at least one word that I picked out on my own.

2) ARE YOU REALLY A LAWYER, OR WHAT?

Yes. I am indeed a lawyer. I don't know why anyone would think that my bio is fabricated, but I guess that there are some folks out there who do that sort of thing. Anyway, I graduated from the University of Michigan Law School in 1999 and passed the New York State Bar exam during that summer. Since then, I have been practicing civil rights, environmental, and administrative law in Manhatttan. If you're still not convinced, feel free to contact the New York State Bar Association at www.nysba.org for confirmation. If that doesn't do the trick, I can sue you if you want.

3) IF MICHIGAN PLAYS SYRACUSE, WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR?

Well, it depends on the sport. In football, it's Michigan unless Syracuse has a shot at the national title (not bloody likely). In basketball, it's Syracuse unless Michigan has a shot at the national title (not bloody likely). Interestingly, if either school plays Pitt, I root for Pitt--a university that I did not even attend. The way I see it, I've been a Pitt fan since I was a young child, so that allegiance trumps the more recent ones.

4) WHY DO YOU SWEAR SO MUCH IN YOUR BLOG ENTRIES?

Good question, and one that I have been wrangling with for a while now. I've thought quite a bit about this subject and have come to the following conclusion: When one curses in writing, it is much more noticeable and obvious than when those same words are merely said in conversation. The fact of the matter is that although I do seem to throw "fuck" around a lot in my blizog, I'm quite sure that both myself and others curse much more when speaking than when writing. So, while I have made a concerted effort to at least think about not cursing so much in my submissions, I don't really think that I do curse "so much" when compared to how much I curse throughout the day when speaking to others. Of course, it's quite possible that I curse too much in both situations. But, as far as I can tell, I don't curse any more or less than the average person. It's just more noticeable when in written form.

4) WHAT'S WITH THIS WHOLE "POP ROCKS AND PEPSI" THING? WHY THAT SUBTITLE?

I'm not sure that I have a satisfactory answer for this one, but there are reasons. The fact of the matter is that this blizog is about nothing in particular--the fun of it, I believe, lies in the fact that you never know what it is going to reference or describe. As such, coming up with an apt and non-corny subtitle was not all that easy. I went with this one for the following reasons: 1) I loved pop-rocks as a kid and always believed that urban legend about how mixing them with soda would cause an explosion in your stomach; 2) In a sense, the subtitle is a joke and represents an effort at self-deprecation. I'm not the most dangerous or exciting guy in the world, so I thought it would be funny to describe my site in a way that associated it with action, adventure, excitement, and explosiveness. I could have just called it "Stuff that Happens to Me," but I thought this would be a bit funnier; 3) As anyone who reads this site on the regular knows, I am a big fan of alliteration; 4) I love the way the words "internet" and "equivalent" sound together. I'm a sucker for stuff like that. If two words strike my fancy when placed together, you can rest assured that they will be placed together.

5) WHAT'S THIS "JOE HEAD THEORY" STUFF ON YOUR SITE?

The "Joe Head Theory" is a compilation of six short essays that I wrote upon moving to New York City in 1999. The idea was to complete 14 of them, and I still plan on writing the last eight at some point. For the most part, they are tales of the crazy things that happened to me at the time and are basically just longer versions of the type of stuff that I offer up in the Blizog. I originally published the stories at www.purpleprose.com, and the intro that I wrote for them--the stuff about hot rod cars--was my attempt to protest having to write an intro. It's just silly satire and has nothing at all to do with the stories themselves.

6) DOES THE CARTOON CARICATURE ON YOUR SITE REALLY LOOK LIKE YOU?

It does, actually, but only when I'm wearing a baseball cap. The drawing is a good depiction of how I wear caps. And I am known for cracking a huge kool-aid smile when photographs are being taken, so that's where the big smile part of the drawing comes from.

7) IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT/TROPICAL ISLAND THAT SOMEHOW HAD A CD PLAYER, WHAT 10 DISKS WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE ON-HAND?

This, it turns out, was a popular submission. Ten is such a small number, but that's the point, right? In a very particular order, here's my list as it stands right now:

1) Public Enemy, "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back"
2) A Tribe Called Quest, "The Low End Theory"
3) Diggable Planets, "Blowout Comb"
4) Souls of Mischief, "93 Till Infinity
5) De La Soul, "De La Soul is Dead"
6) Main Source, "Breaking Atoms"
7) Nas, "Illmatic"
8) Brand Nubian, "One for All"
9) Michael Jackson, "Off the Wall"
10) REM, "Document"

8) IS THE FIRST PICTURE IN YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SECTION YOU? IF NOT, WHO IS IT? IF SO, YOU ARE QUITE TALENTED TO BE WRITING SO WELL AT SUCH AN AGE.

Yes. It is me . . . as a kid, of course. Below is a picture of what I look like now. I don't know how to make this photo show up on here at a smaller, more reasonable size. So, if you do, please let me know. Anyway, from the looks of the two pictures, I think I was probably more of a gentleman when I was five.



9) DID YOU MAKE UP THAT THING ABOUT CAMERON DIAZ [referencing an earlier blog entry where I described a random meeting between Cammie and I on the street in front of my building whereupon she inadvertently provided me with a view her panties as she rode by on a bicycle]?

That, my friends, is a true story.